Later: It is now the morning of 16 May. I pray that God will stop me from going mad. That is all I have left. Safety, and the idea I might be safe later, are things of the past. Whilst I live here, there is just one thing to hope for, that I will not not go mad. But maybe I am mad already. If I am not mad, then what will make make me mad is this - the Count is the the best of all the foul things in this hateful place. Only the Count can save me, and he does that only because I am useful to him. Great God, let me calm down, otherwise I really will go mad now that I am beginning to understand certain things which have puzzled me.

I feel as though my own brain is going out of control. Perhaps the shock which I has received is going to end with me losing my mind. So now I am writing in my diary to calm myself. The habit of writing things exactly as they happened will help to soothe me. The Count's mysterious warning frightened me when he gave it. It frightens me more now that I know his warning was true. In the future I shall be scared not to believe what he says!

When I had written in my diary I felt sleepy, but fortunately I put the diary and pen back into my pocket. I remembered the Count's warning about sleeping outside my rooms, but I took pleasure in disobeying him. I was feeling sleepy, and like many people as they fall asleep, I decided that I was going to do what I wanted. The soft moonlight calmed me, and the open view outside gave me a refreshing feeling of freedom. I decided not to return tonight to my dark and depressing rooms. I was going to sleep here, where once ladies had sat and sung. I wanted to sleep where they had lived sweet lives whilst their gentle hearts were sad for their men who were away in terrible wars.