Disagreeing and Criticizing

How to Disagree (Saying "No" Nicely)

In English, saying "You are wrong" will often upset the other person. Usually English speakers use "soft" words to make disagreement or criticism sound friendly.

1. The "Yes, but..." Rule:

First, say something kind. Then, say your different idea.

• Instead of: "No!"
• Say: "I see what you mean, but I think..."

For example:

Friend: "Ice cream is better than cake."

You: "I know what you mean, but I prefer cake."

2. 'I'm not sure' even if you are sure.

• Instead of: "That's wrong!"
• Say: "I'm not sure about that."

For example:

Friend: "Denmark is in Africa."

You: "I'm not sure about that. I thought it was in Europe."

3. The 'Think about it' question. Make the other person consider what they have said

For example:

Friend: "I am going to skydive without a parachute."

You: "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

How to Give Criticism (Talking about Problems)

Negative criticism is when you tell someone that you don't like something about them or what they are doing. To be helpful, we do this so the other person doesn't feel hurt or angry

Use "Soft" Words:

Words like a bit, a little, or maybe make the criticism seem more gentle.

• Instead of: "This food is bad."
• Try: "This food is a bit salty."

• Instead of: "Your idea is wrong."
• Try: "Maybe we can try a different idea."

For example:

Teacher: "Your homework is a bit late." (Meaning 'Get your homework in on time')

You: "The music is rather loud." (Meaning 'Turn it down!')

Summary

When you disagree or criticize, remember:

1. Be Clear: People need to know your opinion.
2. Be Kind: Use "soft" words so you stay friends.
3. Focus on the Thing, Not the Person: Talk about the work or the idea, not the person.

It is okay to say "No," but in English, we usually add a reason why.