Polite Criticism and disagreement

Use Tentative Language ("I'm not sure...")

At an advanced level, effective communication tis more than simple politeness you need to know how to disagree with more senior people in a way that lets them save face, and choose the right words to avoid conflict. Direct contradiction or blunt criticism can make people angry and make it harder to get what you want. So you need to disagree politely and criticize, with diplomatic language.

Part I: Diplomatic Disagreement

Advanced speakers don't usually directly tell someone that they are wrong. Instead, they disagree by agreeing. This method is sometimes called 'Yes. But ...'

For example:

• Usually I would agree with that, but,...
• You are completely right in theory, but in practice...
• This idea solves the problem exactly, but it creates new difficulties ...

Saying it more politely

Native English speakers understand that direct criticism is seen as aggressive. So they use 'softening words' and 'qualifiers'.

Ask Questions Instead ("Have you thought about...?")

Blunt / Absolute	Softer
You are wrong	There are some things you need to consider here ...
That won't work	There are some things we need to improve with that idea
You are completely wrong	Are you sure about that?

In fact one way an English speaker can signal that he completely disagrees is just to raise one eyebrow and say in tomes of deep interest 'Really?'

Disagree by showing problems

Show Understanding First ("Yes,but...")

For example:

• That's a very good idea. Now, how do we pay for it?
• We can do that – if you don't mind making Janet very angry.
• That's good if it works. But what happens if it fails?

Part II: Don't make it about the person

Give Criticism Politely (Look at the Problem, Not the Person)

For example:

Not "You didn't do that job properly."
Instead "There are still some things to do here"

Not "You are talking nonsense."
Instead "There are some things that we need to clarify first."

More softeners

The right words can make criticism or disagreement less painful

For example:

• We can't really say that until we know a bit more.
• We will need somewhat more time if we do it that way.
• There's a slight difference between what you want and what we can afford.

Part III:

Informal and diplomatic – same meaning different words.

Direct / Informal Register "You're wrong."
Executive / Academic Register "Well, that is one opinion"
Functional Strategy Not agreeing

Direct / Informal Register "That makes no sense."
Executive / Academic Register "I don't follow."
Functional Strategy My fault not yours

Direct / Informal Register "I hate this idea."
Executive / Academic Register "Maybe there's another way"
Functional Strategy Avoid confrontation

Direct / Informal Register "You missed the point."
Executive / Academic Register "Let me put it another way."
Functional Strategy Say it again

Direct / Informal Register "That's impossible."
Executive / Academic Register "Good, but what about ...?"
Functional Strategy Show the problem

Direct / Informal Register "Fix these mistakes."
Executive / Academic Register "There are a few things that can be improved here."
Functional Strategy Make it better